Check out Jim Stone for this AMAZING look at antidepressants and how they DESTROY lives!

I have been on this train, I have lived this since I was 15 and my bipolar first reared its head….at 25 I finally caved and sought help and medication…it destroyed my life, my marriage, my mental state, my ability to enjoy life, my relationship with my 2 beautiful kids or my ability to even just FEEL anything.
I have been medication free for 12 months now and finally I can FEEL again! I am just now starting to feel the fog lift, the veil drawn away and I can start to rebuild my life and rebuild
my relationships.
When I was on the meds….I lost all spirituality, I lost all that made me human, all that made me a man and father. I was an empty shell. I could not feel any extremes of emotion…just a flattened, blunted mimicry of life….that is not living. It is no wonder the Nazi’s stuck fluoride in the water in prison camps.
I became like a wraith, a junkie, seeking anything that would make me feel something! That meant dangerous actions, drugs, sex, risks, spending money….anything to elicit some response from my dead heart and soul….
People around me, the wife I burned and hurt, friends I have lost, my kids I pushed away, all could not understand how I could be so uncaring the only way I could describe it was to say I felt trapped, a zombie, no feelings, no compassion, no joy, no extremes, I had no intuition, no soul, no conscience….
I wrote this to try and capture it…

The Blackness

There is a place worse than hell and it exists inside us all.
Though we writhe and struggle and throw our bloodied and wearied awareness against it the walls of our internal hell remain unmoved as if in mockery to our vain attempt.

So clearly you see life go by, so unable to stop or stem the tide. Easier to hold a wave upon the sand or keep the moon in your breast pocket.
Slowly and frantically you send out tendrils of yourself, your essence. Seeking for a crack, a hole so small…
Slowly…frantically you lose yourself, your essence as it flows away and becomes nothing.
You stand there in hell diminished and worn, alone and torn.

If you are out there suffering…there is a way through…do not give up, it is not easy, it needs commitment and support and hard work, but it is possible. I am living free, truly free from meds and bipolar.
Diet changes, lifestyle changes, spiritual changes…and support.

Stay strong.

Love and Light always.

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Comments
  1. I appreciate your thoughts on this topic, however I do not believe you can just assume that because of your experience and a few other’s that ALL anti depressants are bad. They have helped me in so many ways and haven’t destroyed my life at all! That’s like saying that all dogs are bad because one bit you when you were younger. Sorry for disagreeing with you.

    • angelis80 says:

      Don’t be sorry. I welcome comments. And I do not say it’s the cure for all. And if you read more of my posts you will see that I am talking of more an deeper issues than just the depression and medications. There is an agenda at work.
      But yes for some, and I would argue, far from the many, will get benefit from the meds. But what do they sacrifice to do that?
      I am so happy when I hear of success stories….but in my wide range of experience and paths of mental health patients I have come across, that is not the common story. There is something missing. It’s steals something from you.
      Thank you for your comments and I truly hope your success continues.

      Love and Light.

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