Archive for the ‘mental health- bipolar, anxiety’ Category

Darkness…

Posted: April 30, 2017 in mental health- bipolar, anxiety

As I sit here and await the dawn of the new year now just under an hour away I thought I might just leave the year with a few thoughts…
Don’t look back! There is nothing there for you. Move forward into this new year without fear. Leave old ways of thinking behind. Don’t set yourself stupid and unrealistic “resolutions”, who needs that pressure? Have a goal and just move forward one step at a time and try and live your truth as best you can.
Shine your light for all to see and when you feel that your light is low…reflect some of the light from those you know!
This has been a whirlwind of a year! I have just had a week off work and I am still reeling from the rush that led me here. I know I have not hit all the goals I set for myself in my spiritual growth. I was beating myself about it big time. I allowed life, work, kids, family, fatigue- the list is endless- to get in the way. But then I realised my fretting over the distractions and the seeming “lack of progress” I have made was destroying my peace and impeding my progress even further. I was listening to my daughter and her mum talk the other day about starting a journal in which they would write daily things they were grateful for and it dawned on me…make a list…really have a look at how far you have come…& I did.
I realised that in amongst all the shit and stress and drama and mundane sameness and tiredness I have actually come a long way. Majorly I can say I have quit all my poisonous psychiatric meds, this in turn gave me back my intuition, my conscience and my ability to REALLY feel and experience my emotions for the first time in….I can’t tell you when how long!!!! Through my return of my intuition and my growing ability to trust it I can say I have beaten my bipolar, it’s still there…but I know my triggers and can trust myself and my intuition to feel the “turn”.
I have broken many bad habits.
I have developed much better coping abilities through compassion for my fellow man and mindfulness of my impact within the vibrational field that surrounds me…
I have begun to make some major in-roads towards healing the damage I caused to my loved ones over the years…
As I made my list I realised that although I may not have ended up where I “planned”, I am where I am supposed to be.

So I guess the take home message is this…In 2015, don’t be hard on yourself, just live and show compassion for your fellow man and trust that the universe, the Source will guide you to where you need to be.

Go forward with love into this new year.

Much Light and Love…Always.

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Check out Jim Stone for this AMAZING look at antidepressants and how they DESTROY lives!

I have been on this train, I have lived this since I was 15 and my bipolar first reared its head….at 25 I finally caved and sought help and medication…it destroyed my life, my marriage, my mental state, my ability to enjoy life, my relationship with my 2 beautiful kids or my ability to even just FEEL anything.
I have been medication free for 12 months now and finally I can FEEL again! I am just now starting to feel the fog lift, the veil drawn away and I can start to rebuild my life and rebuild
my relationships.
When I was on the meds….I lost all spirituality, I lost all that made me human, all that made me a man and father. I was an empty shell. I could not feel any extremes of emotion…just a flattened, blunted mimicry of life….that is not living. It is no wonder the Nazi’s stuck fluoride in the water in prison camps.
I became like a wraith, a junkie, seeking anything that would make me feel something! That meant dangerous actions, drugs, sex, risks, spending money….anything to elicit some response from my dead heart and soul….
People around me, the wife I burned and hurt, friends I have lost, my kids I pushed away, all could not understand how I could be so uncaring the only way I could describe it was to say I felt trapped, a zombie, no feelings, no compassion, no joy, no extremes, I had no intuition, no soul, no conscience….
I wrote this to try and capture it…

The Blackness

There is a place worse than hell and it exists inside us all.
Though we writhe and struggle and throw our bloodied and wearied awareness against it the walls of our internal hell remain unmoved as if in mockery to our vain attempt.

So clearly you see life go by, so unable to stop or stem the tide. Easier to hold a wave upon the sand or keep the moon in your breast pocket.
Slowly and frantically you send out tendrils of yourself, your essence. Seeking for a crack, a hole so small…
Slowly…frantically you lose yourself, your essence as it flows away and becomes nothing.
You stand there in hell diminished and worn, alone and torn.

If you are out there suffering…there is a way through…do not give up, it is not easy, it needs commitment and support and hard work, but it is possible. I am living free, truly free from meds and bipolar.
Diet changes, lifestyle changes, spiritual changes…and support.

Stay strong.

Love and Light always.

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Awesome lyrics. Very fitting I think. It’s time to make sure they hear the sound of the many say….WE ARE DONE!!!!
Done being afraid, scared, used, abused, marginalised, ignored, herded like cattle, being told we are powerless, being fed lies by those we elected to lead us, having health destroyed by those we pay to heal us, being fed lies about religion, paying for wars for “peace” against terrorists in caves while the true terrorists wear suits and sit in our government and military establishments, having my spirituality squashed, being forced to eat GMO modified foods while organic food is being outlawed, being controlled by the soulless FEW….
You know what you are “done” with…it’s time to speak up.
Done, done, done, done…we are done!

Read this awesome analysis by VC
http://vigilantcitizen.com/musicbusiness/michael-jackson-appears-hologram-billboard-awards-used-illuminati-agenda/

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Was it worth it?? Since shedding the chains of my medications, I have never felt so alive.
I am finally free to live and experience the full range of my emotions and the power they bring.

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Enjoy!

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Sorry about the lack of real posts lately on Awakening of Humanity. I have allowed my pressures of work to get in the way of many things in my life of late…time to change that and get back to my spiritual journey. I will still put up a “thought for today” post each day, hopefully something to spark some thoughts or something worth meditation throughout the day, but I will also get back to some real “meaty” posts.
I have had a lot going on of late, work, family, spiritually, also revelations and truths and HEAPS in relation to my mental health battle, so I have a few things and subjects I would like to share about.

Anyway….today as I sit here next to my daughter in hospital, it has forced me to stop and has given me time for reflection.
As you may have noticed, the past few days “thoughts” have had a common theme…DISTRACTION and DIVERSION.
Before I launch into this please be aware that I am VERY aware of the pain and suffering of the families of the missing Malaysian Airlines flight and I DO NOT wish to detract from that, I want answers and I am sure their desire and need far exceeds anything I feel. Having said that there are some things I have noticed….

I was intrigued, as the rest of the world was, when the flight “disappeared”. I followed it for a few days until I noticed something…I subscribe to many alternative news feeds, I don’t watch much MSM at all for obvious reasons, but I notice that my feeds were flooded with articles, theories and “facts you are not being told…” Blah blah blah. This was ok for a day or so, but it continued, and still is continuing. I switch on the MSM news on TV the other day and it was a one of those “current affairs” type shows, the feature article was….yep you guessed it the missing plane! I switched the channel…a new bulletin about the missing plane, switch again…same-same . I continued to check my news feeds in the days following and sure enough the good majority of them were about the missing plane.
The other article that seems to be consuming the alternative news is the “war” with the Ukraine and the threat of a Russian attack on the U.S.
Now I get that these need reporting, all of the are legitimate issues, but in CONTEXT!
All this put me in mind of that FANTASTIC satirical movie, “Wag the Dog”!
All these events are real however, they are occurring, but the propaganda mill has latched on to the intrigue of it and sent the “truth seekers”, like myself, into a frenzy! We all fell hook line and sinker into the intrigue. BUT what was going on in the meantime? What was all this used to distract us from?
When was the last time the radiological disaster of Fukushima even discussed in the media? What about the destruction if the Pacific Ocean from the thousands and thousands of litres of contaminated radioactive waste from the dying plant, has that received the international attention and international team effort?
How about the economic situation of the world? The militarisation of the police? Have a check, what bills have been passed through your governments while we have been distracted?
These are just a few ideas…I am sure there are SO many things- as I said, work and my mental health battle has consumed me of late too, so I am out of touch with all the issues going on.

I praise the reporters, and thank them for their intentions where they were honest, but I plead with EVERYONE be aware if what is going on around you! Don’t focus so hard on the one issue that your peripheral awareness of what else is going on! David Icke says often that the goal of the retilian/illuminati/elite lead media/propaganda network is to distract us from the big picture, to keep us so focused on limited things we forget the big agenda, we kiss the moves being made, we forget about our spiritual and consciousness evolution!

Don’t get me wrong, media and news is not the only “distraction technique” used to keep us occupied…
-work
-money…omg….doesn’t this consume us!
-health
-entertainment, music, movies, games
-celebrity worship/gossip
-religion
All of these have been designed to consume our attention, our energies and concentration.
They are all ok in small doses, I’m not saying withdraw from the world, live in a cave etc, just that we should be ever aware of the big picture.
Being aware of the subliminal/covert and overt manipulation techniques can and does reduce it’s overall impact, but it takes a conscious effort to break the habit of allowing our minds to be consumed by them.

Arrrgh, I am not sure that I have managed to articulate my thoughts here as well as I would like, my daughter being unwell in the bed beside my is distracting me too! But I hope that I have provided some food for thought.

Be aware, question EVERYTHING, always look at what’s going on in the background, when the magician says the “magic” is over here…the truth is really over there!

Be ever aware. Be vigilant.

Love and Light

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Not everyday…but I’m workin on it!

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